I hope to see you again. 7-17-13

My father told me recently, " Pamela you've lived through two close deaths." I replied, " No, I think there's been more." He finally said," No, first it was it was papa ( my grandpa) &  then Abel." My father was right. I had lived through two major deaths in my life. But my father never knew that he would soon be the third. Words can't express how I am feeling right now. I'm having the same feelings that I had when Abel died but it's ten times worse right now. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever thought that my father would die. I began asking myself, "Why so early?" It had only been a month since Abel died & then this happened. I'm so angry at myself cause I was the last person to see you the night you left for work. You came into the kitchen, ate & drank something then you left. The reason I feel so angry is because I just watched you leave. I didn't even say good bye cause I figured I would see later anyways. If that moment could repeat it's self, I would change so many things. Sometimes I try to imagine how everything must've happened & try to imagine how you look right now. I cant even picture it. The pain that my mother is going through is extremely difficult. I've watched her cry, & call out my dad's name many times.Many people have asked her, " Do you want me to get anything?" Her reply would always be," I want my husband. If I have my husband, everything will be okay." It breaks my heart because my mother literally can't sleep with out my father. Me, my brother, & my grandma will take care of my mom. It's our responsibility. We have no problem with that. I know I will see my father in heaven. I can just feel it. Sometimes I walked in my dad's room while he would be praying & he would ask me for my laptop so he could watch videos of pastor's preaching. My dad was a strong believer & I certainly believe he will be waiting for us at the gates of heaven. Me & Ariel miss you so much. We are proud because you and mami raised us right. Thank you so much for always being there for us. You were the best dad ever. You would always be playing the piano. Sometimes would ask for a back massage or footrub. You may have been quiet most of the time but you were funny & most importantly you loved music. We can't wait to see you again. Rest in peace dad. - 7/17/13