Lost A Loved One

 Yesterday (6-15-13) my cousin Abel Deluna passed away. It brings pain into my heart because I literally saw you the day before you died & I just get so sad every time I think about it. Abel, I know a lot of times I would annoy you but it was only because i loved seeing you smile and hearing you laugh. Damn poly I miss you so much. It doesn't feel real. I keep thinking that you'll come back to life somehow and everyone will be happy and praise god. I honestly wish you never went to that pool party. I know how much you wanted to go to that. I would give anything just to see smile and talk again. I get even sadder because all of the seniors don't see what I see. They don't see the pain and tears that come out of your mother's eyes. She has lost so many men in her life and now she lost her youngest baby boy. I never would have thought I would cry for you this much. I swear my heart broke into a million pieces when I saw them take you out of that ambulance.  The blood, the plastic tubes, everything just made me go weak in the knees. I can't get the image out of my head. Don't even get me started on last night. I didn't sleep anything & I know nobody else could sleep either, thinking of you. We all truly miss you poly. You will always be in our hearts. R.I.P Abel Deluna

Sometimes the mind has a mind of it's own

This feeling that I am left with is emptiness and sadness. This feeling makes me feel like there's no point in anything. My heart says, " He actually has feelings for you and maybe this can work out." But my mind says, " What if it's a game? What if it's some type of bet ? Cause if he did like you, he would talk to you more. & he hasn't in days. & when you try to make conversation, it seems like he doesn't even wanna talk to you." & I am trapped with this feeling. This unknown eerie feeling of, " Does he actually like me?" & " Why doesn't he wanna talk to me?" It makes me feel worthless in a way. Like I'm some type of joke. & I hate the feeling of being betrayed and unwanted. & sometimes I get a sudden urge to scream. Scream all the problems away. & sing what I truly feel. Music is my escape. It's the only thing that makes me feel free. I begin to wonder what will happen when you return. How will things be? Will they be awkward and weird? or Will it be fun and comfortable? Did you lie when you say you missed me? Cause I meant every word I said. I actually miss you. It's slowly getting to that stage where I'm forgetting the way you laugh. Damn, I honestly miss you. & although I don't show it, I always feel it. You're the only one I get butterflies & the only one that I begin to feel special when you say it. & I wanna know you on a deeper level. I wanna know what you truly love and hate. & I begin to loose hope because my mind has a mind of it's own. 

C O L L E G E ! ! !

  Starting in August I will be attending Wilkes University!!! I can't wait :D

Guess Who Graduated?? :D 2013