Sometimes the mind has a mind of it's own

This feeling that I am left with is emptiness and sadness. This feeling makes me feel like there's no point in anything. My heart says, " He actually has feelings for you and maybe this can work out." But my mind says, " What if it's a game? What if it's some type of bet ? Cause if he did like you, he would talk to you more. & he hasn't in days. & when you try to make conversation, it seems like he doesn't even wanna talk to you." & I am trapped with this feeling. This unknown eerie feeling of, " Does he actually like me?" & " Why doesn't he wanna talk to me?" It makes me feel worthless in a way. Like I'm some type of joke. & I hate the feeling of being betrayed and unwanted. & sometimes I get a sudden urge to scream. Scream all the problems away. & sing what I truly feel. Music is my escape. It's the only thing that makes me feel free. I begin to wonder what will happen when you return. How will things be? Will they be awkward and weird? or Will it be fun and comfortable? Did you lie when you say you missed me? Cause I meant every word I said. I actually miss you. It's slowly getting to that stage where I'm forgetting the way you laugh. Damn, I honestly miss you. & although I don't show it, I always feel it. You're the only one I get butterflies & the only one that I begin to feel special when you say it. & I wanna know you on a deeper level. I wanna know what you truly love and hate. & I begin to loose hope because my mind has a mind of it's own.