Let me enlighten you with a story..

Once upon a time, there was a young boy who was destined to be something great in life. He was a sweet boy who just wanted to be loved. One day, he began liking a girl. He talked to her and they both started liking each other. But very soon the girl was off to college and the boy started feeling as though he couldn't compare to the older boys in college and he just began thinking that she would eventually forget about him. So the boy completely stopped talking to her and never knew about the girl again. The reason I even mentioned this story is because i honestly think it's so stupid. & plus, I feel like it's happening to me. Yes, I must admit, I am very quick to assume. But tell me this.. If a guy you like just married some random chick on facebook and hasn't talked to you all day & you feel like he's slowly separating himself from you... How would you feel? Like shit right? Exactly. I'm literally so speechless. Like I have no words to explain how I'm feeling right now.I just keep thinking to myself, " Why do I push people away?" Especially the ones that I really care about. It actually sucks a lot. I keep asking myself questions in my head. & My heart beat is abnormally fast. It's like I wanna cry but I don't wanna cry anymore. I don't wanna be a little bitch anymore. So here's a burning question: What do you do next after knowing all of this? I start thinking well maybe if I hung out him more and maybe if i wouldn't have been soo goddamn scared or whatever.. I honestly don't know to think. Cause I'm thinking about future things & then this kinda shit happens. It actually pisses me off. & the worst part is knowing what going on & what's gonna happen & not being able to do anything. I hate it ughh!! I freaking hate it so much. I hate this feeling for real cause he's just gonna be stuck in my head.& best believe I'm not saying anything to anyone in this house. But they'll probably ask me why am I so quite. Cause that's what that kinda shit does to me. Fudge! I really do hate this feeling. The feeling where your mind is spinning with questions, images, & words of hate. The feeling where you feel a lump in your throat and chest burns with sadness. Many girls would probably be like, " I wanna kill myself!" Yeah, I know how they feel. Been there, done that. It's just crazy how someone isn't yours and you can care for them so much. Like I know I don't express myself as much as I want to & it sucks cause I've been dealing with this crap for the longest time. & it still hasn't gone away. I honestly wish I could say how I really feel about everything without feeling like someone might forget about me or whatever. I guess the only time where I can say everything I honestly feel is when I write. & I'm so very sorry that I have a life like Cinderella. Always cleaning and always staying home because I'm not allowed out the house. So sorry that I can't hang out with you when you say " I miss you" or " I wanna see you." & knowing me, I feel like later on I'm probably gonna keep on talking to you & act like I didn't see shit. But you know why I would do such a thing? Its because I care for you a lot. It's because I literally can't go a day without hearing your voice or texting you. It's because your such a mystery & I still haven't figured you out. It's because I love your personality. It's because you give me those (sometimes) annoying butterfly feelings every time you hmu. & honestly... I love it. I miss it.... I miss you.